NEW TRAFFIC LAW – 2010 New Law: If a patrol car is pulled over to the side of the road, you have to change to the next lane (away from the stopped vehicle) or slow down to at least 20 mph under the posted speed limit. Every state except Hawaii and Maryland and the D.C. Has this law. In California , the Move-over law became operative on January 1, 2010. http://www.moveoveramerica.com/ A friend’s son got a ticket for this recently. A police car (turned out it was two police cars) was on the side of the road giving a ticket to someone else. He slowed down to pass but did not move into the other lane. The second police car immediately pulled him over and gave him a ticket. He had never heard of the law. It is a fairly new law that states if any emergency vehicle is on the side of the road, if you are able, you are to move into the far lane. The cost of the ticket was $754, with three points on your license and a mandatory court appearance. Please let everyone you know that drives about this new law. It is true (see details at the following web address). WWW.moveoveramerica.Com

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I hate the airline industry – they are all FU@%$*^$ crooks.  I love how I get a coupon for $50.00 off (spirits -BS marketing scheme) – and find a 1 way flight to the D for $180.00 – When I finally manage to check out it bumps the price to $205.00.  I search again and all of the prices have changed (ass faces).  THEN after choosing to get screwed because I just wanted to be done with their slow ass website  – it gives me a mismatch billing address notice that says I must present my card at the gate to get my pass (aka wait in 2 hour line) .  I go into fix the billing info because Bank of Assmerica has failed to update my information for the 3rd time – checkout again – and now the fraud filter has flagged my card to only make me waste more time to “re activate” my card.

This is such bullshit- I’m only traveling there if  I can walk.  – I hate traffic  (thanks LA)

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Theta Chi Fraternity Creed Tattoo

Attached is a picture from a fellow fraternity brother that takes Theta Chi to heart.

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A must see Video…..seriously

This has nothing to do with politics; it’s not for democrats and not for republicans; it is for Americans!!!

Ooo-Rah!….

A must-see video … Ending is fabulous!

I am now passing this on for you to watch.

It’s not enjoyable, it is riveting!

When you are done, pass it on, too. I think it’s important…

If you are a vet, I say, welcome home, brother.

Just click on the line below and have your speaker on!

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SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!

Oh, there’s MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!

Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs.. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay.

The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who’d like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows.

The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78.

The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals.

I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand..

He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 – $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from the Prison.

Yup, he was reelected last year with 83% of the vote.
Now he’s in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn’t doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He’s kind of a ‘Git-R Dun’ kind of S heriff.

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO

HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF

AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) who created the ‘ Tent City Jail’:
He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights Cut off all but ‘G’ movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn’t Get Sued For Discrimination.

He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again . Only Let In The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel.

When asked why the weather channel He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot It’s Gonna Be While They Are Working ON My Chain Gangs.

He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value.

When the inmates complained, he told them, ‘This Isn’t The Ritz/Carlton…… If You Don’t Like It, Don’t Come Back.’

More On The Arizona Sheriff:

With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports:
About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued Pink Boxer Shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 Degrees Inside The Week Before.

Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat Collected On Their Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS.

‘It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,’ Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. ‘It’s Inhumane.’

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic.. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: ‘It’s 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear,
But They Didn’t Commit Any Crimes,So Shut Your Mouths!’

Way To Go, Sheriff!

Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes – not live in luxury until it’s time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can’t afford to have for themselves.

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In recent news, Bill Gates gave bank of America a hard money loan. Below is the image transcript for the undisclosed loan amount.

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And my feelings were hurt when I didn’t go to Freshman Year Homecoming! Seriously, when your chosen career path gets you barred from Skid Row, it’s time to consider the food service industry:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/04/07/injunction-bar-gang-members-skid-row/

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For weeks now, I’ve been scheduled to do a stand up gig at The Comedy Store on Sunset. That show, as I’ve know from the first time I was booked, was set for Tuesday, April 6th. And I also know that, more often than not, Monday is the day after Easter.

Yet, for some reason, on Monday afternoon (or what I referred to as “Tuesday afternoon”) I panicked when I realized that I had less than 4 hours to get to the club. Now, I hate make-up and if every other female in the world would toss theirs in a big fire, I would too. But…that not being the case, I had to participate in that hideous face painting ceremony AND I had to do my hair AND I had to choose clothes that would be stage appropriate without making me look like Carrot-Top. That was the worst part of getting ready…the material was in my mind as well as it would ever be (unless I had 2 drinks and medical marijuana.) and a ride is always easy in LA…if all else fails they have buses. Of course I met a robber on one of those buses, but he didn’t rob me so it was all good.

Anyway, I got to the the club late…poor form but I could have done worse (like I could have had 2 drinks and smoked some medical marijuana.). Long story short, I wasn’t late, I was 24 hours early…for Tuesday, it was not. Monday was truly upon my half of the planet.

So, since I was already there and primped, I decided to go in and enjoy myself…which I did…while drinking 2 drinks and smoking medical marijuana. I ended up across the street at The House of Blues before the night was over. It was a really good time.

The nub of it was that I STILL had to go do my show on Tuesday so a repeat of my worst thing was in order. I had to repeat that hideous ritual…AGAIN…and now I had to find a better outfit than I had worn the night before. Of course, the night before, I sort of chose the best I had so second best was in order for the REAL show.

Now, if we had been in Atlanta, these people would have known who I was, but it isn’t. It’s LA and they’ve never heard of me. So…I get put up last. I wouldn’t mind except for the fact that being last gives you a lot of time to drink 2 drinks and smoke some medical marijuana.

Whatever…I realize that was just poor planning on my part. I own it all. But, I try to learn something from every experience, good, bad or indifferent, and the lesson here is, if you plan on doing stand up comedy buzzed, you should probably practice buzzed too.

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Over the holiday weekend, many whimsical, idiosyncratic and lascivious ideas came to me while I was considering a topic for today’s post. I spent time dwelling on a few ideas and some were dismissed quickly as too offensive (Even for sweet little Southern me), too stupid or simply too boring.

But one idea had me thinking for quite some time and when I awoke this morning, my plan was twofold. I wanted to report to you a thought that I had, unimportant though it may be. AND…I wanted to use my verbal skills to make you appreciate exactly what occurred yesterday. But, my plan turned out to be easier in theory than in practice. Nevertheless, me being who I am, I can’t keep from giving you, at the very least, the condensed version of the thought of which I just spoke ad nauseum.

While planning Easter dinner, I had to placate many guests with varying culinary pecadillos. I had a vegetarian, a ham-hater, a Jewish lady who required Kosher food and me, quite sick of stuffing turkeys and leaving their carcasses in my fridge for FAR TOO LONG. So, I planned my menu accordingly, but for the normal guests and myself, I roasted a beautiful bone in rib-eye roast. It was superb.

Now, since my BF bought the roast, my (she said dripping with sarcasm) charming and gracious daughter decided to get her own little roast to eat…one not spoiled by the cash of the dude who donated the rib roast. She doesn’t really care for him. I’ve yet to bring home a man who can pass muster with that kid.

Of course, she insisted on cooking the “roast” herself. She who knows little of the wonderful art of cooking decided to rub her roast with sea salt…a LOT of sea salt. (Please know that I told her it wasn’t a good idea! But when some women flip on the stubborn switch, there’s no flipping it back off!)

Then she decided to use garlic. That child just LOVES to use garlic. She’d put it on lettuce and call it something fancy if she could. No vampire worries when my daughter cooks, of that you can be sure, for she is ANNIE…Queen Cooking Repellent of Vampires and All Things Otherwise Repelled by Garlic.

Now, garlic isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I stabbed my own roast and stuck a few small cloves deep inside the piece of dead cow I was preparing. But, Queen Repellent chose (Once again against my implicit warning…just the sort of warning that is, itself, repelled by stubborn females.), to get all Fleetwood Mac and go her own way. Her rebellious self chose garlic SALT to sprinkle over her own dead flesh. The more I tried to warn her, the faster she shook that garlic salt. And as though the poor meat didn’t come with it’s own flavor, she proudly sprinkled every spice in the cabinet on that meat except for those that go in pumpkin pie.

I gave up. I basted my roast and started getting all of the vegetable and Kosher dishes ready. After my daughter’s entrée had been cooking for about a half an hour, it occurred to me that she was about to discover her own special flavor of beef jerky.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that…moody as she may have been, she is still my daughter…so I just smiled realizing that she would probably figure it out by herself soon enough.

She did. And when she did, I laughed and laughed and laughed. For some unknown reason, that child saw neither the humor nor the business opportunity in that situation.

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During a taste test of Up North Jerky Honey Barbeque Flavored Smoked Turkey, I was waiting for a man to assist me with my assessment of the aforementioned flavor of cured meat…and my second journey into the fascinating world of beef jerky taste testing.

I needed a man because, sexist or not, men have more jerk experience than do we of the female persuasion. Not that some of us couldn’t do a fine job, but I personally want to do the best job possible for you reader people and for me to do that, I must have a real jerk man.

Unfortunately, I was stuck with a PMS-ing daughter and her friend, a true cynic’s cynic. Getting a nice word from him is like getting an intelligent word from Sean Penn…it’s not going to happen. I wouldn’t mind a thoughtful critique, but the nicest thing this dude could say about my FAMOUS lasagna was that it was “tasty”. My lasagna is superb and don’t let anyone tell you differently. So, I waited patiently to come across a regular jerk guy.

This morning I found a potential candidate whose opinion I would trust, but there was one small glitch. He is a vegetarian and has been since 1998. I didn’t want him to break any personal mores, but he was willing because he is my buddy.

So, it was with some degree of trepidation that I gave him one of my few pieces of Honey Barbeque Flavored Smoked Turkey Jerky. I didn’t know what to expect from he who eats no meat…but he pleasantly surprised me immediately by saying, “Not too sweet, not too salty, not too smoky…doesn’t crumble in your mouth but not too chewy.”

I was stunned that I was getting actually getting usuable information from he who eats no meat. “Mellow and relaxing”, he said after he assured me that before 1998, he did, indeed, have jerky eating experience. Then, the seemingly impossible happened…he asked if he could have more! I may go to hell for it, but I gave it to him.

Mind you, he only had a couple of pieces but when I asked for further data, he told me that, “If it weren’t for my concern for the poor turkey who gave his life for this tasty product, I would eat the whole bag.”

He was quite serious and I was quite pleased. This is a man of high moral fiber and if he didn’t like the food stuffs I had served him, he would absolutely tell me so. This was boding well for my review.

Now it was my turn. I grabbed a piece of the treat that had tempted my vegetarian friend so. He was right, it was a nice, mellow tasting piece of jerky that was thick enough to have substance but not so much so that it was difficult to eat. I’m learning to enjoy jerked meats more and more every time I host another one of my little taste testing parties.

The Honey Barbequed Smoked Turkey had a well balanced salt-spice-smoke ratio and even had the most interesting hint of moisture, not something you’d expect in a salt cured meat. The texture was substantial, another good thing if you appreciate a hearty piece of jerky.

I chose to suck a small piece and see what happened. I immediately became aware of the smoked flavor and then a hint of sweetness visited my palate. A slight peppery taste followed the sweetness and I was beginning to think that sucking jerky was a pretty darned good idea. Just about then, the meat actually began to become surprisingly tender in my mouth at which time I was done sucking and had to chew the rest. My mouth savored that piece of jerky for about 5 minutes between the time I popped it into my mouth and swallowed it. That delectable little morsel never lost a bit of its flavor and even after a deliberate jerky sucking and a thoughtful jerky chewing, the tasty morsel honestly surprised me with the pleasant taste, easy texture and even the after-taste which remained pleasantly in my mouth until I sucked on my cup of Hawaiian coffee.

I don’t think I need any further subjects to assist me in my review of Honey Barbequed Smoked Turkey…I am quite confident in saying that I was actually very pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed this particular cured meat. I wouldn’t go to jail for it, but I would grab it away from a toddler.

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